Most of us have tried many, many times to think and plan our way through the why and how of everything from exercising more, eating less, reducing caffeine intake, being kinder, less impatient or prone to anger, going back to school, asking for a raise, being more productive, switching careers, to ending relationships and dealing with the multitude of changes and losses that are inherent in living as a human being. Understanding why we do the things we do or feel how we feel is helpful, but it’s only part of the picture.
So often the reasons that we keep doing things that aren’t good for us, or don’t do things we say we want to, relate not only to beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world and other people, but the way those beliefs and the experiences they grew out of are actually held in our body, they shape us and how we are in the world. Learning to identify those holdings and find ways to let them go allows us to take the shape of new beliefs and ways of being.
We are wired neurologically and biologically for connection with others, and we need to know that we are safe and that we matter. When those needs are not met, it makes it very difficult to live out the innate potential that we all have for resilience, connectedness, creativity, compassion, curiosity, courage, calm, confidence, and clarity, ingredients that are key in creating the lasting changes we desire, and navigating those changes life inevitably brings to us.
We also live in a society that rewards us financially and otherwise for our thinking capacity, especially if we can think our way into doing more, doing it faster, and doing it with less time, money, energy, etc. We’re not rewarded for just being, our worth is dependent on external validation and measures of success, and we’re especially not rewarded for feeling.
However, if we can’t feel our body, or don’t become familiar with the sensations it generates, what they mean, and how to work with them, we’re lacking important information about our own emotional state and the emotional state of family, friends and coworkers. Our relationships are less fulfilling than they can be. Our ability to feel connected and know that we’re safe and that we matter is reduced, which in turns limits the expression of our innate potential, as noted above, along with our sense of agency in our own lives and the world.
As your coach, my goal is to provide you with an experience of safety, connection and worthiness within which we will work collaboratively to ascertain what matters most to you and why, explore what might be getting in the way, identify the steps necessary to bring it into being, and then to support you as you take each of those steps.
It is important to note that coaching is not therapy. This article outlines the major differences between the two. Though my understanding of attachment theory, internal family systems theory, mindfulness, embodiment, as well as trauma and resilience inform my work with clients, our work together will have a much more present and future orientation with only brief forays into the past.
Curious about how coaching might help you connect with your heart and bring about that which matters most to you? Let’s connect and explore together!